here i am... 0830h sydney time, 0430h singapore time. back from a morning run around my aunt's neighbourhood. i guess it's the first time i WILLINGLY woke up so early for weeks, not taking into account days for my Cambodia expedition where reveille timing of 0700 were the norm. these few days that i've spent at australia were really carefree... and cash free too (nothing beats holidays that are hosted by your relatives =))
for the large part of my time in Australia (sounds kinda long but it's only been a week ha) so far, the pace of life has really gone a notch down, vis-a-vis that of mine in Singapore. and it's summer and daylight saving here so i can indulge in literally, "daydreaming" or euphemistically speaking, "pondering over weighty life issues" or yet in a very common lingo for my Cambodia expedition - "emo-ing"=p
and when you talk about the state of "emo-ing", somehow this time for my trip in Australia, it took an interesting turn for me. previously in Cambodia I was the "emo-er", now over at Australia, one of my cousin took over the title and somehow i've become like Darren (oops, luckily he won't read this) - sort of flamboyant, boisterous and pesky =p. and it's interesting to really look at this "mirror" (although i wasn't really emo to that kinda extent) and realise how distant and withdrawn i was at times. not that it was by circumstances but rather, it was by choice that i chose to have more "me-time" and then what came to my mind was what a guy from Samaritan's Purse, David Fisher said about having multiple functions in life i.e. he was a consultant to help the needy at Cambodia, father in the UK and etc. you get the drift. so i thought i should learn to be more flexible at times and not be restricted to my narrow mental confines.
continuing from where i left off from... i'm back from sydney opera house and shopping at paddy's market. now enjoying a bottle of carlton cold beer and surfing the net. life's great when you're not lugging any baggage of any sort...
shouldn't it always be so?
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Friday, December 21, 2007
khymer rouge transiting at sillypore, then to down under.
i deliberately used such a long title so as to avoid the hassle of blogging multiple times. looking back on the past few weeks, especially after ORD, my life has been real hectic. like clearing and delegating everything under my portfolio for creative home then zipping to REACH for cambodia trip and catching up with friends and all... and now, i'm back at home - feeling really liberated and light (pun unintended because i definitely gained much pounds from the trip!).
and unlike my blog entry for the previous philippines trip, this entry of mine shall describe more of my self discovery and revelations rather than depicting the day to day experiences. in a nutshell, i much enjoyed this expedition. team dyanmics was much better because there was more bonding and greater diversity with less "cliquishness" and of course, there were my two buds - jc and darren on the trip. we made hell lotsa noise during the expedition and cracking our own insider jokes like "gei jia tang"
on the downside, i was supposedly one of the few that were expected to rise up and lead the team. but, i was kinda subdued and cooped up in my own mental dimension most of the times. so much so that during the appreciation night, i earned the title of Mr. Senti-Emo. act i was like telling joanne and jc... my habitual tendency to dramatise my emotions and then sink in a melancholic and melodramatic emotional rut. it's like my second nature! ironically, for people that have worked with me on an adhoc basis like Creative Home, they don't see the "emo" side of me rather the professional and deliberately blur side of me. and then i rationalise, justifiy and gather that i am the person that needs lots of "me time" the lack thereof - i'll just "drift" away. but i'm glad i got to see and know myself better. i need to and will change for i won't be contented with taking the back seat for the rest of my life, especially after 20 years of doing so. it's high time i take the reins and grasp the steering wheel, it's now or never.
fortunately on the upside yet again, i've really got to improve my relationships with several people. one of which is qianhua. we've came a long way back since philippines last year. from me harbouring a crush on her to revelation night at mt belumut and then to our catching up for the recent camodian expedition. and we concurred, the fact that nothing can work out between both of us in a platonic setting all the more will make us treasure this friendship of ours. though initially it was annoying when people were talking behind our backs but then we started to laugh it away at their attempts to complicate matters that were crystal clear and simple!
also, i will really reminisce the times we (darren, jc, me and lil ben), the project heads, had our late night meetings with aunty joanne at lucky star hotel. during those nights when we crack lame cold jokes to make fun of each other and the daidee sessions... the nights never were lonely with them ha. not forgetting mich, corinna, staff joe and doctor joe... they were the few that i could really connect to and confide in. the conversations that we shared, the advice that they dispensed with and the common experiences we all went through together. i believe they'll come surging back to me in time to come.
i've really learnt and enjoyed myself at Cambodia. let me catch up on some work (japanese test tmr, applications for youth grps and other commitments) on my transit at Singapore, en route to Down Under. then i'll return - rejuvenated with fresh perspectives, settled and upbeat emotions and a greater than ever thirst for success for my many ambitious pursuits in 2008.
c'est la vie - carpe diem!
and unlike my blog entry for the previous philippines trip, this entry of mine shall describe more of my self discovery and revelations rather than depicting the day to day experiences. in a nutshell, i much enjoyed this expedition. team dyanmics was much better because there was more bonding and greater diversity with less "cliquishness" and of course, there were my two buds - jc and darren on the trip. we made hell lotsa noise during the expedition and cracking our own insider jokes like "gei jia tang"
on the downside, i was supposedly one of the few that were expected to rise up and lead the team. but, i was kinda subdued and cooped up in my own mental dimension most of the times. so much so that during the appreciation night, i earned the title of Mr. Senti-Emo. act i was like telling joanne and jc... my habitual tendency to dramatise my emotions and then sink in a melancholic and melodramatic emotional rut. it's like my second nature! ironically, for people that have worked with me on an adhoc basis like Creative Home, they don't see the "emo" side of me rather the professional and deliberately blur side of me. and then i rationalise, justifiy and gather that i am the person that needs lots of "me time" the lack thereof - i'll just "drift" away. but i'm glad i got to see and know myself better. i need to and will change for i won't be contented with taking the back seat for the rest of my life, especially after 20 years of doing so. it's high time i take the reins and grasp the steering wheel, it's now or never.
fortunately on the upside yet again, i've really got to improve my relationships with several people. one of which is qianhua. we've came a long way back since philippines last year. from me harbouring a crush on her to revelation night at mt belumut and then to our catching up for the recent camodian expedition. and we concurred, the fact that nothing can work out between both of us in a platonic setting all the more will make us treasure this friendship of ours. though initially it was annoying when people were talking behind our backs but then we started to laugh it away at their attempts to complicate matters that were crystal clear and simple!
also, i will really reminisce the times we (darren, jc, me and lil ben), the project heads, had our late night meetings with aunty joanne at lucky star hotel. during those nights when we crack lame cold jokes to make fun of each other and the daidee sessions... the nights never were lonely with them ha. not forgetting mich, corinna, staff joe and doctor joe... they were the few that i could really connect to and confide in. the conversations that we shared, the advice that they dispensed with and the common experiences we all went through together. i believe they'll come surging back to me in time to come.
i've really learnt and enjoyed myself at Cambodia. let me catch up on some work (japanese test tmr, applications for youth grps and other commitments) on my transit at Singapore, en route to Down Under. then i'll return - rejuvenated with fresh perspectives, settled and upbeat emotions and a greater than ever thirst for success for my many ambitious pursuits in 2008.
c'est la vie - carpe diem!
Thursday, December 06, 2007
bye bye MSC, bye bye bravo flt, bye bye 163, bye bye NS.
ytd was the last day for me to be donned in all green. as it always is, time passes by so fast that you dont even realise that you have been through it already. ytd held many significant "last times" for me. though i know before long, i'll be stepping back again into lim chu kang camp 2 for reservice. but till then, i'm very much a civilian. no more of doing ridiculous things at unearthly timing e.g. no-duff activations, playing push up dai dee and watching old mediacorp dramas. aww...
i wonder if it's human nature to always detest being in the process and to so look forward to culmination. then on culmination, you realise things weren't that bad afterall in looking back. in fact, you begin to reminisce about those "awful" times you've spent together and wish you have a chance to replay the entire the process (maybe snipping off those truly nasty times). and then i realise, isn't it so much so for life, in general? hahaa... random musings, while i take a break from work at scape.
anw back to our ord celebration dinner at MSC yesterday. it was real heartwarming to see those the familiar faces once again. some you wished you had took the hpi cranking handle and then wield it towards their head - okay, im kidding. don't really have one i hate to that extent. others you know crap talk follows promptly on meeting. e.g. cpt chua.
and as msn nick speaks - it's an emotional imperative to appreciate and be appreciated. isn't that how life should be and the premise by which, it should operate with? we had good food and sharing during dinner. then shortly after, encik jaswant asked us to share the experiences we had in bravo flt, dispense advices and then comment on the management. i only touched on the first two and none of the last, perhaps i'm resigned to the way things are operated in bravo. talked about "choosing the right partners during guard duty" (- gwee, really want to see your reaction to this, but you were overseas), "being gam with the others in bravo flt" and "treasuring the friendships forged during our short stint"
now that i have ended my NS stint, what holds for me in the near future. the completion of creative home?
end it... not. :(
i wonder if it's human nature to always detest being in the process and to so look forward to culmination. then on culmination, you realise things weren't that bad afterall in looking back. in fact, you begin to reminisce about those "awful" times you've spent together and wish you have a chance to replay the entire the process (maybe snipping off those truly nasty times). and then i realise, isn't it so much so for life, in general? hahaa... random musings, while i take a break from work at scape.
anw back to our ord celebration dinner at MSC yesterday. it was real heartwarming to see those the familiar faces once again. some you wished you had took the hpi cranking handle and then wield it towards their head - okay, im kidding. don't really have one i hate to that extent. others you know crap talk follows promptly on meeting. e.g. cpt chua.
and as msn nick speaks - it's an emotional imperative to appreciate and be appreciated. isn't that how life should be and the premise by which, it should operate with? we had good food and sharing during dinner. then shortly after, encik jaswant asked us to share the experiences we had in bravo flt, dispense advices and then comment on the management. i only touched on the first two and none of the last, perhaps i'm resigned to the way things are operated in bravo. talked about "choosing the right partners during guard duty" (- gwee, really want to see your reaction to this, but you were overseas), "being gam with the others in bravo flt" and "treasuring the friendships forged during our short stint"
now that i have ended my NS stint, what holds for me in the near future. the completion of creative home?
end it... not. :(
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
staying out days
these few days have been real madness. even like now, i'm blogging at REACH FSC. i feel so detached (ha, how apt from my blogger nick) from my family lah. but i think after this period, i'll be completely liberated from creative home, albeit only for the time when i will be off to Cambodia and Down Under.
creative home has been a real growing experience for me... working with nice people like uncle kiong and chin who really go all out to support us in our project makes me realise that at times when i become unnecessarily edgy, it's just not worth the effort. and of course, you get to work with no so nice people. and then you learn how to take things in stride. yesterday's midnight at scape was hilarious. kumaran and i were like laughing at each other while the other 4 were discussing matters. it all happened because there's a guy called "bang" from homeclub and they were like using it interchangeably with my name. and then, it sounded freaking obscene.
to be frank, i'm kinda like numbed to the fatigue already. sleeping for 3 hours for the past two days, freezing in the red bus yesterday and then tonight i won't be able to sleep for much (like again). hopefully, the creative people dont get me to stay over for monday night too.
today's jlpt was really wonky too, like i told my friends. section 1 (vocab) - half of the questions were okay, another half was russian roulette. section 2 (listening) - i dozed off. section 3 (grammar) - apparently, the section i felt most confident of. i'm mentally prepared for the worst, but if can scrap through a pass, it's a bonus after all.
and in fact during the jlpt, i was like smiling at myself. maybe because at my helplessness and partly at my attempt to script an interesting msn nick that somehow was reflective of my emotions for these few days. haa, i know i have grown out of that phase, yah but sometimes you just have the urge to drown yourself in a melancholic mood.
cause it takes more than being straight for me to straighten out my thoughts.
creative home has been a real growing experience for me... working with nice people like uncle kiong and chin who really go all out to support us in our project makes me realise that at times when i become unnecessarily edgy, it's just not worth the effort. and of course, you get to work with no so nice people. and then you learn how to take things in stride. yesterday's midnight at scape was hilarious. kumaran and i were like laughing at each other while the other 4 were discussing matters. it all happened because there's a guy called "bang" from homeclub and they were like using it interchangeably with my name. and then, it sounded freaking obscene.
to be frank, i'm kinda like numbed to the fatigue already. sleeping for 3 hours for the past two days, freezing in the red bus yesterday and then tonight i won't be able to sleep for much (like again). hopefully, the creative people dont get me to stay over for monday night too.
today's jlpt was really wonky too, like i told my friends. section 1 (vocab) - half of the questions were okay, another half was russian roulette. section 2 (listening) - i dozed off. section 3 (grammar) - apparently, the section i felt most confident of. i'm mentally prepared for the worst, but if can scrap through a pass, it's a bonus after all.
and in fact during the jlpt, i was like smiling at myself. maybe because at my helplessness and partly at my attempt to script an interesting msn nick that somehow was reflective of my emotions for these few days. haa, i know i have grown out of that phase, yah but sometimes you just have the urge to drown yourself in a melancholic mood.
cause it takes more than being straight for me to straighten out my thoughts.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
a thankful evening.
i'm so heartened at the way things have turned out this evening.
1) to jonathan especially for helping out with the attendance. my, i can't thank you more man. without you, i guess the whole attendance taking will be a disaster. thanks for your photographic memory in recognising the guests e.g. those from paragon. thanks for working throughout without dinner. thanks for holding the fort when i was absent.
2) to all bravo dudes that came and my ajc fac buddies. i'm so sorry if i'm a poor host but as much as i wished i could split myself, i couldn't. thanks for coming anyhow. despite promising you hot chicks and great booze - of which, neither materialised, i hope you enjoyed the performances that we've planned for the evening. sorry for the bland coke, haha next time open my own club, i'll ensure QC okay.
and maybe i'll do a run-through of my schedule too, as per usual. went with smu earlier in the day for a NS men jamboree. i think the whole jamboree is a farce man at least before the breakout session for our school talks. like girls wearing mini skirts, female dancers gyrating and what not. i do understand it's a sausage party but yah, we can do with less of the visual "distractions" or maybe as i've said, i'm like desensitised to such sights already.
at the smu talk, i had the great opportunity to talk with a 4th year smu student who was previously from 163sqn as an officer. talked with him about the challenges of even qualifying for an investment banking intern and then subsequently doing more than what was expected of an intern. frankly, he really demystify the preconceptions i had about investment banking and all. the imminent fate of landing at most in middle office, m&a, p&l, trading and derivates and all. i'd really like to be in thick of the moment. and it was wonderful that he got me started to think how i should pave my way ahead.
then at the pre launch, it was plain hectic. luckily, i stole time to ta bao some dinner with the "淑女". and not forgetting the suggestive eye signals aunt shanz was making at me when i met the gang along the way. it was nonetheless interesting talking with "淑女" about her change and all, since jc times. which leads me to wonder - why didnt i realise i needed to step out of my shell and change, like so much earlier? then i also caught up with jingwen (from sph) for like 20mins or so. imo, she's one of the nicest sponsors i've met. we chatted from zouk to journalism slants to the nuances in whole chain of pr/mar comm/a & p to even concluding that we have a common penchant for watching movies alone. she even kindly offered to help me if i had difficulties for my pr intern next year.
all in all, the creative home journey in itself has been taxing but nonetheless - rewarding (tangibly, intangibly, psychologically and emotionally). =)
1) to jonathan especially for helping out with the attendance. my, i can't thank you more man. without you, i guess the whole attendance taking will be a disaster. thanks for your photographic memory in recognising the guests e.g. those from paragon. thanks for working throughout without dinner. thanks for holding the fort when i was absent.
2) to all bravo dudes that came and my ajc fac buddies. i'm so sorry if i'm a poor host but as much as i wished i could split myself, i couldn't. thanks for coming anyhow. despite promising you hot chicks and great booze - of which, neither materialised, i hope you enjoyed the performances that we've planned for the evening. sorry for the bland coke, haha next time open my own club, i'll ensure QC okay.
and maybe i'll do a run-through of my schedule too, as per usual. went with smu earlier in the day for a NS men jamboree. i think the whole jamboree is a farce man at least before the breakout session for our school talks. like girls wearing mini skirts, female dancers gyrating and what not. i do understand it's a sausage party but yah, we can do with less of the visual "distractions" or maybe as i've said, i'm like desensitised to such sights already.
at the smu talk, i had the great opportunity to talk with a 4th year smu student who was previously from 163sqn as an officer. talked with him about the challenges of even qualifying for an investment banking intern and then subsequently doing more than what was expected of an intern. frankly, he really demystify the preconceptions i had about investment banking and all. the imminent fate of landing at most in middle office, m&a, p&l, trading and derivates and all. i'd really like to be in thick of the moment. and it was wonderful that he got me started to think how i should pave my way ahead.
then at the pre launch, it was plain hectic. luckily, i stole time to ta bao some dinner with the "淑女". and not forgetting the suggestive eye signals aunt shanz was making at me when i met the gang along the way. it was nonetheless interesting talking with "淑女" about her change and all, since jc times. which leads me to wonder - why didnt i realise i needed to step out of my shell and change, like so much earlier? then i also caught up with jingwen (from sph) for like 20mins or so. imo, she's one of the nicest sponsors i've met. we chatted from zouk to journalism slants to the nuances in whole chain of pr/mar comm/a & p to even concluding that we have a common penchant for watching movies alone. she even kindly offered to help me if i had difficulties for my pr intern next year.
all in all, the creative home journey in itself has been taxing but nonetheless - rewarding (tangibly, intangibly, psychologically and emotionally). =)
Friday, November 16, 2007
late night *burp* supper
oh my. it's been a long time since i committed such an evil and sinful act - supper at prata house near my house. and if you're expecting a sequel to my previous entry. I'm very sorry, nope. No harry potter theme song and no guest appearances and definitely no freak encounters with god forbid * volder_ _ *
i met coco tan, my good old buddy for prata at arnd 10.30. we ate some oily loads of prata (actually only 2 x gosong) and downed them with teh tarik. we then walked to the playground and just sat on the swing and talked. it's really gratifying to catch up with your friends after such a long period of absence. yup, absence makes the heart grow fonder and perhaps emptier. ha. and so the topic started with him being in Sunshine Empire (SE). as much as the natural skepticism was acting up in me, i listened to him intentfully as he rationalise his presence in SE. all in all, in a capacity of a friend, i'll still reserve my trust in him as a trusted friend and a mature adult - i'll be truly glad for him if he does make it big and money roll in (maybe some to my pocket) and also lend him my help if things do go awry.
and then with the stars and moon smiling at us, we deviated to our future plans in life. then as we were speaking about our grandiose plans and all; the feeling that we have grown and mature so much, was just so liberating and all the more, poignant. it was as if yesterday that we were at the same old playground vexing about mundane misunderstandings, complex boy girl relationships (though they still pretty much are to me) and pretty much holding a astigmatic view of matters in life. yes yes, you may break out in a cynical laughter and in a condescending manner, say "ow wow... our benjamin here is starting to be flighty and disillusioned already"
my reply to you (barring copyrights from ac),
- the best is yet to be.
=)
i met coco tan, my good old buddy for prata at arnd 10.30. we ate some oily loads of prata (actually only 2 x gosong) and downed them with teh tarik. we then walked to the playground and just sat on the swing and talked. it's really gratifying to catch up with your friends after such a long period of absence. yup, absence makes the heart grow fonder and perhaps emptier. ha. and so the topic started with him being in Sunshine Empire (SE). as much as the natural skepticism was acting up in me, i listened to him intentfully as he rationalise his presence in SE. all in all, in a capacity of a friend, i'll still reserve my trust in him as a trusted friend and a mature adult - i'll be truly glad for him if he does make it big and money roll in (maybe some to my pocket) and also lend him my help if things do go awry.
and then with the stars and moon smiling at us, we deviated to our future plans in life. then as we were speaking about our grandiose plans and all; the feeling that we have grown and mature so much, was just so liberating and all the more, poignant. it was as if yesterday that we were at the same old playground vexing about mundane misunderstandings, complex boy girl relationships (though they still pretty much are to me) and pretty much holding a astigmatic view of matters in life. yes yes, you may break out in a cynical laughter and in a condescending manner, say "ow wow... our benjamin here is starting to be flighty and disillusioned already"
my reply to you (barring copyrights from ac),
- the best is yet to be.
=)
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
How are YAH
i'm feeling kinda drowsy as i'm typing right now. must be the local anasthesia the missy administered on me, prior to donating blood hahahah.
anyway, i started the day with an interview with two pretty nice staff from the HPB because i wanted to join the YAH (youth advolution for health) exco. the session went on pretty fine and it lasted about an hour. will hear from them soon, i think. just hope that what i'm seeking will concur with what they need and will provide. but the entire exco team is like all from smu lah huh -.-
then shortly after the interview, i decided to donate blood at the bloodbank since i was alr in the area. went in there - all good. registration and screening was prompt, got attended to by missy in a jiffy and talked to her about my internship and apparently... her daughter -.-. dont how how she link also. then *plays harry potter background theme song* came lord volderMO. haaaha, what a place to meet him. previously, i met him at SAFRA yishun while signing up for a course. now at bloodbank.
where's next? Prata House?
anyway, i started the day with an interview with two pretty nice staff from the HPB because i wanted to join the YAH (youth advolution for health) exco. the session went on pretty fine and it lasted about an hour. will hear from them soon, i think. just hope that what i'm seeking will concur with what they need and will provide. but the entire exco team is like all from smu lah huh -.-
then shortly after the interview, i decided to donate blood at the bloodbank since i was alr in the area. went in there - all good. registration and screening was prompt, got attended to by missy in a jiffy and talked to her about my internship and apparently... her daughter -.-. dont how how she link also. then *plays harry potter background theme song* came lord volderMO. haaaha, what a place to meet him. previously, i met him at SAFRA yishun while signing up for a course. now at bloodbank.
where's next? Prata House?
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
lingering behind my wonderwall.
as i am typing this entry, i'm like half intoxicated and half wasted - eyes heavy, disoriented and somewhat conked out. what started out initially as a innocuous dinner for 8 163 SQN BRAVO personnels end up to be a chillout session at PATIO with rum coke, vodka red bull and vodka orange. like i've said, it's the "time of the month" for me when i just wallow in my emo state of mind. the blues are allllll i see mann.
LOL.
pardON MY CAPS, I CAN'T realLY SEe thE cAPS CLEARYL righT Now. anyway, it was great just chilling out with live music. maybe it's there to fill the void that's there eh. and so the BRAVO dudes went up to sing WONDERWALL and thaT YOU'RE GONNA BE THE ONE THAT SAVES ME.
AND DO YOU HAVE TO, do you HAVE TO, do yOU hAVE TO LET IT LiNGeR . . .
LOL.
pardON MY CAPS, I CAN'T realLY SEe thE cAPS CLEARYL righT Now. anyway, it was great just chilling out with live music. maybe it's there to fill the void that's there eh. and so the BRAVO dudes went up to sing WONDERWALL and thaT YOU'RE GONNA BE THE ONE THAT SAVES ME.
AND DO YOU HAVE TO, do you HAVE TO, do yOU hAVE TO LET IT LiNGeR . . .
Sunday, November 04, 2007
when 04th nov is a special day for more than one.
today was a long and hectic day for me. but to sum it in one sentence: it was worth all the while. and it so started with our ch meeting on friday, as blogged about days ago. and so i thought i did something special to make someone's day. especially since the last time i did such a thing was like in jc2? yes, yes, suggestive or not. i reserve my comments (pardon my somewhat limited lexicon) . like what i told my friend, i'm a poor manager of my emtions and actions. sometimes to the extent of acting irrationally and rashly. but i think i did something positive this time.
anyway this was what i did. ytd night, i wrote some simple greetings on a card and placed an envelope in the card. then this morning i went to my friend's house and left it in her mailbox personally. and then i wrote a mysterious weblink for her, of which i created the night before. all in all, i'm glad she was overjoyed though it was after all a contrived attempt at a vicarious experience.
later on in the day, i was at the julia gabriel's festival at orchard forum to present my essay for a contest. glad that i earned some much sought after dough and vouchers. and my recent enthusiasm towards the toastmasters which was amplified by rj during the absd survey was somehow evidently much warranted for when i saw the many young children present their essays. they were like so natural public speakers and they somehow crave and enjoy the attention on stage. but i'll work towards that, i've grown from being apprehensive to speaking with minimal kinks now. let the final step be speaking to connect, educate and inspire.
also, there were several insignificant incidents that failed to be fodder for this entry. but i'll still mention them briefly with pictures...
both are just personal ego boosters or rather placeboes, for that matter. for the latter - right, i know it's a downright scam to cheat celeb-wanna-be of their hard earned money for some makeover package. but it's just plain gratifying to sometimes lie to yourself that you dont need "baby ass smooth skin or model hot bod" to be approached by some conmen.
and i'll end my entry soon if you already impatiently awaiting the end of this long tunnel.
jc asked me some intriguing and thought provoking questions.
1) why is it that people born on the same day can have so different character?
my answer: because we are different.
2) why has the batch of us (crewmen) drifted so far apart especially when we have ord or about to ord?
my answer: because we are just too different.
anyway this was what i did. ytd night, i wrote some simple greetings on a card and placed an envelope in the card. then this morning i went to my friend's house and left it in her mailbox personally. and then i wrote a mysterious weblink for her, of which i created the night before. all in all, i'm glad she was overjoyed though it was after all a contrived attempt at a vicarious experience.
later on in the day, i was at the julia gabriel's festival at orchard forum to present my essay for a contest. glad that i earned some much sought after dough and vouchers. and my recent enthusiasm towards the toastmasters which was amplified by rj during the absd survey was somehow evidently much warranted for when i saw the many young children present their essays. they were like so natural public speakers and they somehow crave and enjoy the attention on stage. but i'll work towards that, i've grown from being apprehensive to speaking with minimal kinks now. let the final step be speaking to connect, educate and inspire.
also, there were several insignificant incidents that failed to be fodder for this entry. but i'll still mention them briefly with pictures...
both are just personal ego boosters or rather placeboes, for that matter. for the latter - right, i know it's a downright scam to cheat celeb-wanna-be of their hard earned money for some makeover package. but it's just plain gratifying to sometimes lie to yourself that you dont need "baby ass smooth skin or model hot bod" to be approached by some conmen.
and i'll end my entry soon if you already impatiently awaiting the end of this long tunnel.
jc asked me some intriguing and thought provoking questions.
1) why is it that people born on the same day can have so different character?
my answer: because we are different.
2) why has the batch of us (crewmen) drifted so far apart especially when we have ord or about to ord?
my answer: because we are just too different.
Friday, November 02, 2007
birthday @ creative home.
today's creative home meeting was kinda different. sheila had this new hairstyle that looked made her look like a japanese doll (nin gyo, iirc). oh, and we celebrated her birthday since it was around the corner. then she carried a sesame street oscar doll and took a photo. like a doll holding a doll -.-
anyway... as far as i remember, birthday celebrations wasn't really much of a culture in boys' school (or maybe for my circle of friends lah). my days of schooling in 10 year's of boys school was brash, lackadaiscal and plain... brainless. like smearing chilli sauce on your shoe soles and leaving your victorious imprint on someone else's uniform. messing up someone's nicely gelled up "kali pok" hairstyle into mee goreng. tactically and strategically "bio-ing" at "bio-able" female teachers. ha, some of these acts have followed me on in the later parts of my life while others have been relegated to days of yore. as to which is what, i leave it to your imagination. right, now someone is acting coy.
and back to sheila's birthday celebration. me, her and crispin were like waiting for a cab opp. funan. then we were poking fun at cris in his "pursuit of happyness" (an internal joke) then somehow the topic fell on me and i was asked by sheila whether i have found the right one. maybe, she should ask whether 晴晴 has found the right one instead. lol, i was stunned like for a moment. then while she said "the most ideal kinda lover is the kinda that you were qing mei chu ma with and will marry eventually"
and then i replied, "yup, i'm also looking for her"
anyway... as far as i remember, birthday celebrations wasn't really much of a culture in boys' school (or maybe for my circle of friends lah). my days of schooling in 10 year's of boys school was brash, lackadaiscal and plain... brainless. like smearing chilli sauce on your shoe soles and leaving your victorious imprint on someone else's uniform. messing up someone's nicely gelled up "kali pok" hairstyle into mee goreng. tactically and strategically "bio-ing" at "bio-able" female teachers. ha, some of these acts have followed me on in the later parts of my life while others have been relegated to days of yore. as to which is what, i leave it to your imagination. right, now someone is acting coy.
and back to sheila's birthday celebration. me, her and crispin were like waiting for a cab opp. funan. then we were poking fun at cris in his "pursuit of happyness" (an internal joke) then somehow the topic fell on me and i was asked by sheila whether i have found the right one. maybe, she should ask whether 晴晴 has found the right one instead. lol, i was stunned like for a moment. then while she said "the most ideal kinda lover is the kinda that you were qing mei chu ma with and will marry eventually"
and then i replied, "yup, i'm also looking for her"
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
bitten by the love bug (again), and *ouch*
pohly pocket poh sent me this mv even though my one hell of a jj-lin fan sister bought it from the crazy cornetto royale promotion. and yes, watching the video makes me want to fall in love (again) - again, not as in i have fallen in love and want to fall in love again but rather i have the desire to fall in love again. okay, balderdash. i still remembered vividly my classmate's msn nickname during our j2 valentine's day - " Love is in the air... But it sucks when you're not one of the pair"
how very apt. lol, nvm i believe my 晴晴 is out there waiting for me. stop seeking high and low, give me a call okay? i'll meet you straight away. no qualms.
Monday, October 08, 2007
sowing seeds.
i'm so glad i'm blogging on a monday morning because this means that i've survived yet another extremely hectic week. rushing from one locality to another like a headless chicken, not having enough time for meals and stealing some snooze on the bus whenever i can. but i must say, i'm feeling rather fufilled this time.
we had our facilitators' workshop yesterday at nyc, scape. initially planned for 25 facilitators, but only around 15 turned up. but well, if you ask me, the numbers are not indicative of anything at this stage yet. to be frank, they were quite "coagulated" in their cliques and all. however after we had a sharing with Mr. Martin Tan, everyone started to open up and the slab of ice turned into a melting pot.
if you havent already know, i like reading self-help books because contrary to common belief, self-help books arent just quick fixes to problems you face... they explain the workings behind human relationships and delves deeper into what is not readily apparent to many of us. and in my usual fashion, i'll share something that i've read. there can be two ways of deriving happiness - working towards attaining a goal and helping others derive their happiness. i.e. it's the pursuit of happiness and assisting people in their pursuit that can make you happy.
with my own readings and martin's questioning during his inspirational speech, i have suddenly found a direction ahead. ask me about it and i'll tell you :) and as it is, i'm extremely excited with the propsect of growth (not in the physical sense, dudes.) in our project. i've had a girl who joined our project because she said she wanted to be a more sociable person and that she want to walk out of her shell. and i was assuring her that there will be tremendously many opportunities for her to walk out of her comfort zone.
now, i've realised there's indeed nothing more empowering and fufilling than to witness self growth and helping others grow.
we had our facilitators' workshop yesterday at nyc, scape. initially planned for 25 facilitators, but only around 15 turned up. but well, if you ask me, the numbers are not indicative of anything at this stage yet. to be frank, they were quite "coagulated" in their cliques and all. however after we had a sharing with Mr. Martin Tan, everyone started to open up and the slab of ice turned into a melting pot.
if you havent already know, i like reading self-help books because contrary to common belief, self-help books arent just quick fixes to problems you face... they explain the workings behind human relationships and delves deeper into what is not readily apparent to many of us. and in my usual fashion, i'll share something that i've read. there can be two ways of deriving happiness - working towards attaining a goal and helping others derive their happiness. i.e. it's the pursuit of happiness and assisting people in their pursuit that can make you happy.
with my own readings and martin's questioning during his inspirational speech, i have suddenly found a direction ahead. ask me about it and i'll tell you :) and as it is, i'm extremely excited with the propsect of growth (not in the physical sense, dudes.) in our project. i've had a girl who joined our project because she said she wanted to be a more sociable person and that she want to walk out of her shell. and i was assuring her that there will be tremendously many opportunities for her to walk out of her comfort zone.
now, i've realised there's indeed nothing more empowering and fufilling than to witness self growth and helping others grow.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
leftover shotgun shells.
of late, i made some rather rash and tactless decisions even though with no genuine malice intended, i was misconstrued... tension rose, relationships sour and i realise that i really need to recollect myself since i tend to become easily unsettled at times. someone told me the fact that we are already young adults and we need to understand that our actions have considerable consequences. how fearfully true. approaching quarter life crisis and i'm glad i was jolted out of my guileless playground, though in a way that brought about reprisals and much ill sentiment. what hefty tuition fees i paid to my tutor - Life.
that being said, i realised that it really takes more than compromise and accomodation for team dynamics to work out. of course being in a millitary context as conscripts, we all come in with different mindsets and live our short-lived stint with different objectives. hence, it's almost impossible to align our values and actions i.e. there are definitely more differences that exist between us than commonalities. all in all, maybe i've just grown more acquiescent and jaded. now, i just look forward to cambodia yep to find myself again and my aus vacation to pick myself up for my life ahead.
and from now till then, maybe i'll continue to look for my first love ha...
that being said, i realised that it really takes more than compromise and accomodation for team dynamics to work out. of course being in a millitary context as conscripts, we all come in with different mindsets and live our short-lived stint with different objectives. hence, it's almost impossible to align our values and actions i.e. there are definitely more differences that exist between us than commonalities. all in all, maybe i've just grown more acquiescent and jaded. now, i just look forward to cambodia yep to find myself again and my aus vacation to pick myself up for my life ahead.
and from now till then, maybe i'll continue to look for my first love ha...
Saturday, September 15, 2007
trapped in a washing machine.
i'm feeling highly emotional now. and it's times of this in the month when emo monster creeps up to me, gives me a tap on my shoulder and release the floodgate for a deluge of emotions - both good and bad feeling ones. so get ready to be drowned in my monthly (though sometimes being more frequent than usual) verbal diarrhoea now.
this two weeks has been a rather mundane period of time without any significant high or low points to speak about. except the fact that i shuttled between my house and A&e twice because of tear-jerking abdominal pains. the first visit i was thankfully accompanied with my elder sis at 5+ am in the morning while the second one, i went alone not wanting to wake anyone up at the same wee hours in the morning.
and as the usual introspective albeit reticent person i am, i always treasured personal space as one of my perennial innnermost needs. i'd rather plug in my mp3 and listen to emo songs like when you're gone - avril or on the side of me - corrine may and just observe and think than find someone to accompany me wherever i go just for the sake of companionship. but the bad thing is it doesnt help when i get easily affected, emotionally... by my observations.
in fact, i was having a long talk with my project friend in CH. after listening to his experiences and description of his relations with the others in the team made me realise how distant i've become with so many of my other friends. it made feel how surface i've become in terms of relationships, favouring width instead of breadth when it comes to the pursuits in life and feeling so... detached. and i begin to question myself - are my ambitious pursuits and desire to feel happy so mutually exclusive? must i really forsake one for the other? beats me.
people around me think well (or at least what they claim) of me because of my tight schedules and ceaseless commitments. but i cant help but put up a meek and forceful front when i know the mr.-networker in the making-social worker-aspiring entrepreneur to them is just an alter ego of myself. please tell me it's the real me when the subdued one comes to life in person when you see him yah.
and you will ask me why so angsty one my blog. why arh. i also dont know leh. sometimes i rather people dont read my blog because they'll think, 'aiyo, dont read already. his emo-ism is so contagious and it makes me feel sad also' and this could be the reason why i need to put on some celebrity look alike pictures to balance the overall mood out and not that i hanker after the minute of fame! ha, lame excuse. *punches myself*
and this entry is really disorganised. so i thank you if you do bother to read till this point because i really am not in the mental state for any order whatsoever. though in less than 5 hours time, i'll be travelling back to camp for the last guard duty of my life. =)
maybe till after that, i'll be in a more conscious state of mind to realign, reaffirm and react.
nitey,
my friends.
this two weeks has been a rather mundane period of time without any significant high or low points to speak about. except the fact that i shuttled between my house and A&e twice because of tear-jerking abdominal pains. the first visit i was thankfully accompanied with my elder sis at 5+ am in the morning while the second one, i went alone not wanting to wake anyone up at the same wee hours in the morning.
and as the usual introspective albeit reticent person i am, i always treasured personal space as one of my perennial innnermost needs. i'd rather plug in my mp3 and listen to emo songs like when you're gone - avril or on the side of me - corrine may and just observe and think than find someone to accompany me wherever i go just for the sake of companionship. but the bad thing is it doesnt help when i get easily affected, emotionally... by my observations.
in fact, i was having a long talk with my project friend in CH. after listening to his experiences and description of his relations with the others in the team made me realise how distant i've become with so many of my other friends. it made feel how surface i've become in terms of relationships, favouring width instead of breadth when it comes to the pursuits in life and feeling so... detached. and i begin to question myself - are my ambitious pursuits and desire to feel happy so mutually exclusive? must i really forsake one for the other? beats me.
people around me think well (or at least what they claim) of me because of my tight schedules and ceaseless commitments. but i cant help but put up a meek and forceful front when i know the mr.-networker in the making-social worker-aspiring entrepreneur to them is just an alter ego of myself. please tell me it's the real me when the subdued one comes to life in person when you see him yah.
and you will ask me why so angsty one my blog. why arh. i also dont know leh. sometimes i rather people dont read my blog because they'll think, 'aiyo, dont read already. his emo-ism is so contagious and it makes me feel sad also' and this could be the reason why i need to put on some celebrity look alike pictures to balance the overall mood out and not that i hanker after the minute of fame! ha, lame excuse. *punches myself*
and this entry is really disorganised. so i thank you if you do bother to read till this point because i really am not in the mental state for any order whatsoever. though in less than 5 hours time, i'll be travelling back to camp for the last guard duty of my life. =)
maybe till after that, i'll be in a more conscious state of mind to realign, reaffirm and react.
nitey,
my friends.
Monday, September 10, 2007
too bored.
when i've got nothing constructive enough to work on... (cool, i look like song dao cai cai zi on the 2nd one)
Thursday, August 16, 2007
if you have asked.
ever since i entered the service, i realised that there's no better sanctuary than home. sure there's the saucy gossiping, pseudo-jitters about earning the holy bullet and cracking lewd jokes (or rather witnessing lewd antics in full play) every now and then in my "second home" aka lck camp 2, but nothing beats the goodness of being at home - the hot water, the occasional late supper at prata stall and the sleeping in without the 6.30 am reveilles.
actually i've no idea why i am blogging lately. when asked by my camp mates, i was lost for words. is it because i have no one to turn to when i am down with a bad emotional verbal diarrhoea or i just dont have the desire to "verbalise" my thoughts. and if you realise or maybe i'm assuming, i'm more inept at speaking than writing. maybe that's because i have grown so used to the veil that i retract under when i'm facing nothing but my monitor. none of the awkward pauses, the eye contact, the body language and what not. and to this, i have grown so helpless too.
awfully so.
but as i'm blogging this angsty (if you realised, most of my entries are likewise) entry, i'm really in one of those emotionally jumbled moments. read weishan's blog and she was blogging about her inability to win the rag championship for her hall because of her perceived "incapability and lack of talent and confidence and hope" and it haunts her badly enough. the inability to match up to expectations, the rung which you can't touch no matter how hard and far you reach out for and the invisible ceiling that runs across even though you thought it only applies for the career women.
and girl... if you are reading this (but i doubt you are. we've drifted so much since jc times sadly), you're not alone in this nightmare. i'm sure we'll find our own answers one day.
i'm still reading neil humphrey's notes on singapore and although i agree with rj's thought that neil dramatises his content, i still find myself laughing and questioning and reflecting as i plod through the pages of the book. and in his illustration of singaporeans, he wrote about the obsession of the quantifiables in life.
and his writing did find his way to me again. and if people do read my blog and come to know me in reality, they'll realise what a stark difference there exists in my virtual and actual persona. my friends often ask me to live for the moment and leave the questions to tomorrow.
but the fact is i often do the reverse.
and that's perhaps the reason why i'm always squatting by the road of life while others cruise away?
actually i've no idea why i am blogging lately. when asked by my camp mates, i was lost for words. is it because i have no one to turn to when i am down with a bad emotional verbal diarrhoea or i just dont have the desire to "verbalise" my thoughts. and if you realise or maybe i'm assuming, i'm more inept at speaking than writing. maybe that's because i have grown so used to the veil that i retract under when i'm facing nothing but my monitor. none of the awkward pauses, the eye contact, the body language and what not. and to this, i have grown so helpless too.
awfully so.
but as i'm blogging this angsty (if you realised, most of my entries are likewise) entry, i'm really in one of those emotionally jumbled moments. read weishan's blog and she was blogging about her inability to win the rag championship for her hall because of her perceived "incapability and lack of talent and confidence and hope" and it haunts her badly enough. the inability to match up to expectations, the rung which you can't touch no matter how hard and far you reach out for and the invisible ceiling that runs across even though you thought it only applies for the career women.
and girl... if you are reading this (but i doubt you are. we've drifted so much since jc times sadly), you're not alone in this nightmare. i'm sure we'll find our own answers one day.
i'm still reading neil humphrey's notes on singapore and although i agree with rj's thought that neil dramatises his content, i still find myself laughing and questioning and reflecting as i plod through the pages of the book. and in his illustration of singaporeans, he wrote about the obsession of the quantifiables in life.
and his writing did find his way to me again. and if people do read my blog and come to know me in reality, they'll realise what a stark difference there exists in my virtual and actual persona. my friends often ask me to live for the moment and leave the questions to tomorrow.
but the fact is i often do the reverse.
and that's perhaps the reason why i'm always squatting by the road of life while others cruise away?
Saturday, August 11, 2007
friday nights - sabbaticals of another sort.
here i am, blogging after a long day of well... fun and work i must say (sentosa -> kbox -> CH meeting) reaching home at timings close to midnight are slowly becoming a routine of mine as i religiously pledge my commitment to Project Creative Home. haha, i'm sounding so cult-ish and random. but as my title puts it aptly, friday nights are sabbaticals of another sort, to a ever-so-uncontented me.
and if you can pardon me for littering the phrase "project creative home" so conveniently in my previous entries, let me do a little bit of introduction but with lots of brevity (lest i fall asleep typing this entry of mine hah :p)
i'm currently in the project as a project director in charge of the accounts. basically, this project promises a tangible change to the society as we encourage youth expression through arts. and what better way to make their expression ubiquitous then to paint dustbins with social messages that they strongly want to convey to the rest of the public. from inspirational talks and technical workshops to the actual painting process to the grand finale of concert and prize presentation in a span of 5 months, we seek to involve youths in having a stake and say in the larger society. after which, 88 bins will be placed permanently along orchard road and the esplanade!
sounds succint enough? ha. tried my best to be non verbose even though i've always been in speech and writing.
and! a writeup of mine has been recently put up on the youth.sg website. do take a look here!
and perhaps why you want to ask me why involvement in CH will be a sabbatical of another sort. as i was sitting on the train along the north-south line with my project mates (miak and crispin), it's really refreshing to talk to them considering that one of them is a ntu comm studies undergrad while the other is entering the same faculty in years to come. so to speak, most of my friends i have are from science streams. and while i dont trust stereotypes that much, my "sciency" friends are those that tend to be more analytical and no-fuss whilst my project mates being "artsy" people have a natural appreciation for the philosophical side of life and tend to be more introspective and pensive.
and so we talked about arts appreciation (though, i really know nuts about it), raved about good books for long travelling on public transports like those from neil humphreys and shared about the misconception most people have about emo-ism - in particular their culture and way of life. and through my speech with them, i feel so inadequate again though in a postive sense. i realised that's so much more to life that what i think of life. and this is what makes life exciting - the vibrancy that diversity brings.
ha, i feel alive once again.
do you?
and if you can pardon me for littering the phrase "project creative home" so conveniently in my previous entries, let me do a little bit of introduction but with lots of brevity (lest i fall asleep typing this entry of mine hah :p)
i'm currently in the project as a project director in charge of the accounts. basically, this project promises a tangible change to the society as we encourage youth expression through arts. and what better way to make their expression ubiquitous then to paint dustbins with social messages that they strongly want to convey to the rest of the public. from inspirational talks and technical workshops to the actual painting process to the grand finale of concert and prize presentation in a span of 5 months, we seek to involve youths in having a stake and say in the larger society. after which, 88 bins will be placed permanently along orchard road and the esplanade!
sounds succint enough? ha. tried my best to be non verbose even though i've always been in speech and writing.
and! a writeup of mine has been recently put up on the youth.sg website. do take a look here!
and perhaps why you want to ask me why involvement in CH will be a sabbatical of another sort. as i was sitting on the train along the north-south line with my project mates (miak and crispin), it's really refreshing to talk to them considering that one of them is a ntu comm studies undergrad while the other is entering the same faculty in years to come. so to speak, most of my friends i have are from science streams. and while i dont trust stereotypes that much, my "sciency" friends are those that tend to be more analytical and no-fuss whilst my project mates being "artsy" people have a natural appreciation for the philosophical side of life and tend to be more introspective and pensive.
and so we talked about arts appreciation (though, i really know nuts about it), raved about good books for long travelling on public transports like those from neil humphreys and shared about the misconception most people have about emo-ism - in particular their culture and way of life. and through my speech with them, i feel so inadequate again though in a postive sense. i realised that's so much more to life that what i think of life. and this is what makes life exciting - the vibrancy that diversity brings.
ha, i feel alive once again.
do you?
Saturday, August 04, 2007
drunken on moonlight.
just yesterday, i was at miss clarity's cafe for a late dinner with some of new project mates. quite like the ambience - partly because of decor and the music that was accompanying in the background. it's a great place to dine and just chill without feeling any obtrusiveness or inhibitions. but i guess most importantly, it was the company of the new friends i have made through Creative Home that made me feel this way. and as we concluded, we are a quite a "rojak" team given the diverse backgrounds and work we are involved in. but i guess we'll all work steadily towards every phase of our project for the good of the beneficary. the buildup to the finale is always tumultuous and painstaking as for everything in life. so keep holding on yah.
and then we all enjoyed the signature desert unequivocally. mud ooze as it was named - a generous scoop of vanilla ice cream with swirls of chocolate syrup that lined the mountain of white randomly. beneath it was warm and moist chocolate shortcake that was filling to the edges of the cup. wielding your spoon into the frosty mountain then into the hot melting lava and there you have it - an uber sinful... sinfully irresistable treat that is bound to bring some much sought-after warmth when you need it in low and unhappy and emotionally needful times. or so we call it, comfort food.
and it's times like this,
when i just want to be drunken on moonlight with a pint of melancholy.
and then we all enjoyed the signature desert unequivocally. mud ooze as it was named - a generous scoop of vanilla ice cream with swirls of chocolate syrup that lined the mountain of white randomly. beneath it was warm and moist chocolate shortcake that was filling to the edges of the cup. wielding your spoon into the frosty mountain then into the hot melting lava and there you have it - an uber sinful... sinfully irresistable treat that is bound to bring some much sought-after warmth when you need it in low and unhappy and emotionally needful times. or so we call it, comfort food.
and it's times like this,
when i just want to be drunken on moonlight with a pint of melancholy.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
everything else... on hold.
my oh my... it's just feel so darn good to be doing nothing on a sunday night. if it was as per normal, i would be packing my booking in stuff, trying to load my clothes and study materials into my bag. have a quick dinner with my family and off i'm back to lim chu kang camp II for yet another week of montonous work routine. gladly, i'm on off tomorrow. a much awaited and celebrated sabbatical (considering i haven't been on one since a month ago).
seriously, 5 days work week sucks and it sucks big time. being at the lowest hierachy, we are relegated to the task of guard duties. and somehow although it's supposed to be a volunteered task which isnt part of our vocation, there are bound to be unplesantries in the course of our duty. like having other NSFs who think that their rank bestows upon them a greater status of existence and hence their blatant misuse of their powers. but oh wells, i could flaunt my army lingo but basically it all sums up to one phrase - suck it up!
and a peep at ns.sg, to my revelation =)):
so liberation is approaching after all. it wouldnt be soon before i yell 'ORD LOH' as i walk out of the shit hole.
dating backk... on friday the 13th, i was doing guard duty at my camp. i witnessed a vehicle colliding onto a dog just outside my camp gate, just right in front of my eyes. although i dont have any pets, i really felt for this little dog. you see, this dog happens to be related to another in my camp but it was just outside my camp and barking to its mate inside. albeit irritating at times, my heart somehow softened in a melancholic manner when i observed the wistful look in its eyes. i opened the gate in a bid to let him in but it just didnt budge. after the accident, i quickly got the spca number from laine mei and was directed to a 1800 hotline - most prob an organisation that handles such cases.
i waited an hour and a half for them to come to my damned camp (they promised to come by half hour) although it was supposed to be my rest time. then the dog got ran over yet another time. this time i witnessed the final struggle of the little dog. he flinched a little and his limbs shuddered for a few times before it finally laid down on the side of the road motionless. a pool of dark red blood was visible on the middle of the road even from someone inside the camp and it trailed all the way to the carcass.
and they eventually called me to tell me the dog has been cleared at around 9am the following day, i thanked them. and like what i msged laine mei, i dont know what to say, how to react or how should i feel.
maybe... i've been left feeling so vulnerable and jaded, from realising the sheer fragility of life.
seriously, 5 days work week sucks and it sucks big time. being at the lowest hierachy, we are relegated to the task of guard duties. and somehow although it's supposed to be a volunteered task which isnt part of our vocation, there are bound to be unplesantries in the course of our duty. like having other NSFs who think that their rank bestows upon them a greater status of existence and hence their blatant misuse of their powers. but oh wells, i could flaunt my army lingo but basically it all sums up to one phrase - suck it up!
and a peep at ns.sg, to my revelation =)):
| Your estimated Service Balance is 152*. Your projected ORD date is 08-Dec-2007*. This record is updated on 09-Jul-2007. |
so liberation is approaching after all. it wouldnt be soon before i yell 'ORD LOH' as i walk out of the shit hole.
dating backk... on friday the 13th, i was doing guard duty at my camp. i witnessed a vehicle colliding onto a dog just outside my camp gate, just right in front of my eyes. although i dont have any pets, i really felt for this little dog. you see, this dog happens to be related to another in my camp but it was just outside my camp and barking to its mate inside. albeit irritating at times, my heart somehow softened in a melancholic manner when i observed the wistful look in its eyes. i opened the gate in a bid to let him in but it just didnt budge. after the accident, i quickly got the spca number from laine mei and was directed to a 1800 hotline - most prob an organisation that handles such cases.
i waited an hour and a half for them to come to my damned camp (they promised to come by half hour) although it was supposed to be my rest time. then the dog got ran over yet another time. this time i witnessed the final struggle of the little dog. he flinched a little and his limbs shuddered for a few times before it finally laid down on the side of the road motionless. a pool of dark red blood was visible on the middle of the road even from someone inside the camp and it trailed all the way to the carcass.
and they eventually called me to tell me the dog has been cleared at around 9am the following day, i thanked them. and like what i msged laine mei, i dont know what to say, how to react or how should i feel.
maybe... i've been left feeling so vulnerable and jaded, from realising the sheer fragility of life.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
an ultimatum
haha... i've been issued with an ultimatum just today. and the consequences arent terribly pleasing to a National Service Fulltime whose freedom hinges on what little days of freedom and blithe he already has. sometimes, it make me wonder if all these threats and the final whammy - the ultimatum, is hardly necessary? i thought if we could perform our nation defending duties well and good, we should have a relatively "enjoyable" and "peaceful" time? but it seems, the title of my blog - "as if, my life has stalled..." still has its relevance after all. *pats myself on my shoulders* ha.
but on the other hand, maybe things arent that bleak as i construe it to be. one thing for sure, the jadedness in me is dragging me down lol. i'm just a paradox and freak of nature. like i dont really understand myself at all. maybe no one does still.
i read my friend's blog just some time ago.
she asked, "what makes you happy?" it's somewhat rather rhetorical from the banal "getting your A's after your months of slogging" to the ambitious "landing yourself in an i-banking job" to the rather random "gratification from having sex"
you tell me. ha. while i try to unravel what the word "happiness" entails.
=)
but on the other hand, maybe things arent that bleak as i construe it to be. one thing for sure, the jadedness in me is dragging me down lol. i'm just a paradox and freak of nature. like i dont really understand myself at all. maybe no one does still.
i read my friend's blog just some time ago.
she asked, "what makes you happy?" it's somewhat rather rhetorical from the banal "getting your A's after your months of slogging" to the ambitious "landing yourself in an i-banking job" to the rather random "gratification from having sex"
you tell me. ha. while i try to unravel what the word "happiness" entails.
=)
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
silly quelf.
geez! i'm back from a 22/04 class gathering. today was a long and hectic day for me and everything prior to the gathering really drained me. and with the less than pleasing turnout from the guys (bunny overseas hol, chris route march, boss pungseh, hao ge and kelvin mia) i thought the gathering wasn't going to be a fantastic one. however, it was one of the better class gatherings we had.
let's see. i booked out from tekong like 10am. rushed to j8 and bought myself a pants, boots and socks by 11.30pm. was supposed to meet billy lee at singapore cricket club by 12.30pm. well i really have to thank my mum for getting me this contact. he introduced me to the rotary club (raffles city) when i went there, it's really like an exclusively "rich men club" over lunch, i was introduced to the director of the rotaract club (meaning rotary club for the younger adults below age 30) and several other renowned rotarians or so they call themselves. it was certainly very intriguing listening to these people share about their projects and experiences. more so with the fact that they are professionals in their respective vocations - lawyers, dentists, consultants, ceos and what not. billy lee told me he's semi-retired, but he's on the board of the director of 7 public listed companies. he also used to be the ceo of sembawang corp. -_- like omg.
but one thing that i felt was especially poignant to me was the advice he told me "it's not about what you know but about who you know" i realised i dont belong to the scholar calibre, neither will i content to be a farmer for the rest of my life. therefore, i really need to network and differentiate myself.
after that, i met up with my ex college mates. some of them changed so drastically that i couldnt even recognise them lah. like huiyi, i thought hey who's this girl? new classmate arhs lol. we have girls becoming more feminine, more demure and more attractive lol. but guys arh, still same pattern i think. we played several board games within our group of 10 (3 guys, 7 gals) like truth or dare jenga, quelf and saboteur. but half of the time, my mind was shut off because i only got like 3-4h of sleep during duty. lol. but nevertheless, it was damn hilarious to look at us do our silly forfeits like "one-eyed mimes", "playing invisible piano" and the infamous "omg, shit is coming, quick run!"
all in all, it's good times teasing my friends, linking them up with their dream half lol. it's amazing that for some of these people, i never really talked to them during college times. it's only when we meet up once in a blue moon, that we reminisce the good old days. :)
let's see. i booked out from tekong like 10am. rushed to j8 and bought myself a pants, boots and socks by 11.30pm. was supposed to meet billy lee at singapore cricket club by 12.30pm. well i really have to thank my mum for getting me this contact. he introduced me to the rotary club (raffles city) when i went there, it's really like an exclusively "rich men club" over lunch, i was introduced to the director of the rotaract club (meaning rotary club for the younger adults below age 30) and several other renowned rotarians or so they call themselves. it was certainly very intriguing listening to these people share about their projects and experiences. more so with the fact that they are professionals in their respective vocations - lawyers, dentists, consultants, ceos and what not. billy lee told me he's semi-retired, but he's on the board of the director of 7 public listed companies. he also used to be the ceo of sembawang corp. -_- like omg.
but one thing that i felt was especially poignant to me was the advice he told me "it's not about what you know but about who you know" i realised i dont belong to the scholar calibre, neither will i content to be a farmer for the rest of my life. therefore, i really need to network and differentiate myself.
after that, i met up with my ex college mates. some of them changed so drastically that i couldnt even recognise them lah. like huiyi, i thought hey who's this girl? new classmate arhs lol. we have girls becoming more feminine, more demure and more attractive lol. but guys arh, still same pattern i think. we played several board games within our group of 10 (3 guys, 7 gals) like truth or dare jenga, quelf and saboteur. but half of the time, my mind was shut off because i only got like 3-4h of sleep during duty. lol. but nevertheless, it was damn hilarious to look at us do our silly forfeits like "one-eyed mimes", "playing invisible piano" and the infamous "omg, shit is coming, quick run!"
all in all, it's good times teasing my friends, linking them up with their dream half lol. it's amazing that for some of these people, i never really talked to them during college times. it's only when we meet up once in a blue moon, that we reminisce the good old days. :)
Saturday, June 09, 2007
本来
yup, i haven't been adding new content to this personal virtual diary of mine for the past few months. and i am uber glad that there's an auto save function for blogspot right now. it's like the panacea to my cranky ie that crashes ever so often. anyway, that's besides the point.
if you haven't already know, i just returned from a mountain climbing trip to mount belumut. like any typical reach activitity, there's bound to be lotsa takeaway for me - both tangible and intangible. maybe that's precisely the reason i'm still volunteering actively in this organisation. on the whole, this expedition really made me realise that there's always a fragile moment in everyone. i witnessed guys and gals that still slip and off along the track and there came my helping hand! ha. and i thought human beings arent that infallible anymore. we are made to be dependent in some way or another. if not, it only nullifies the existence of friends and families that form the core of your support network.
we washed up under the rapids at the waterfall. i tell you... the feeling of the fresh water gushing down on you that threatens to wash your shorts and underpants away while you cling on precariously onto a vine was one one of those feelings that made me feel alive, really alive. in the process of the trip, i was talking to this good friend of mine about the deeper nuances in life. like how we so conveniently numb ourselves with our work or school routine that we forgot the presence of mother nature. anyway, we concluded that any getaway from our routine makes good times ha. conquering mount belumut, the following day we shopped at jusco and ended our trip with a go-kart racing. another mind blowing experience when i experienced the nerve wrecking process of "drifting" albeit with a 80cc kart only lah.
but i guessed the highlight of the trip was a late night sharing at the mount belumut campsite. only 5 of us were gathered at a campfire while the others were snoozing away in their tentages. we talked about everything under the sun from religion to the meaning of life to sexuality etc. then there was this girl i had a fancy for since the philippines trip last year who was within the 5 of us at the campfire.
in front of the other 2 girls and a guy, she asked me "ben, did you like me in philippines since last year?" i was like gosh. shouldn't i be doing the questioning instead. and the rest of the conversation was history as i realised we were not meant to be after all. after the trip, i thought to myself what a failure i am. a girl who's 2 years younger than me, can be so frank and forthcoming about her feelings and all. me? in the past, i had a crush on my classmate in jc but i only had the courage to talked to her through the net and over the phone. when she was with her clique, i darent even talked to her let alone know how i felt about her. this time, i made seemingly abit of a progress. during our trip last year, i spent some personal moments with her at the mountains taking in the scenery there. but eventually when i had planned to make known my feelings to her at the airport, i chickened out. i threw in the tower. i waved the flag to surrender... in cowardice.
and so i thought, when can i ever face up honestly to my feelings. sometimes, it just feel so bad to let everything get pent up inside. i can pour out my emotions and thoughts to my close friends and aunt agonies but eventually i'm still just stucked within this shell... for long. but i'm glad she took the initiative to clear the air, if not i'll be clinging on unrelentlessly and hopefully. i'll pick myself up and get my priorities (SATs, JLPT, NYAA etc.) right... once again. believe me.
来不及了
长长的简讯对象
已经不会是我
* please ignore my ranting because i just have to *
if you haven't already know, i just returned from a mountain climbing trip to mount belumut. like any typical reach activitity, there's bound to be lotsa takeaway for me - both tangible and intangible. maybe that's precisely the reason i'm still volunteering actively in this organisation. on the whole, this expedition really made me realise that there's always a fragile moment in everyone. i witnessed guys and gals that still slip and off along the track and there came my helping hand! ha. and i thought human beings arent that infallible anymore. we are made to be dependent in some way or another. if not, it only nullifies the existence of friends and families that form the core of your support network.
we washed up under the rapids at the waterfall. i tell you... the feeling of the fresh water gushing down on you that threatens to wash your shorts and underpants away while you cling on precariously onto a vine was one one of those feelings that made me feel alive, really alive. in the process of the trip, i was talking to this good friend of mine about the deeper nuances in life. like how we so conveniently numb ourselves with our work or school routine that we forgot the presence of mother nature. anyway, we concluded that any getaway from our routine makes good times ha. conquering mount belumut, the following day we shopped at jusco and ended our trip with a go-kart racing. another mind blowing experience when i experienced the nerve wrecking process of "drifting" albeit with a 80cc kart only lah.
but i guessed the highlight of the trip was a late night sharing at the mount belumut campsite. only 5 of us were gathered at a campfire while the others were snoozing away in their tentages. we talked about everything under the sun from religion to the meaning of life to sexuality etc. then there was this girl i had a fancy for since the philippines trip last year who was within the 5 of us at the campfire.
in front of the other 2 girls and a guy, she asked me "ben, did you like me in philippines since last year?" i was like gosh. shouldn't i be doing the questioning instead. and the rest of the conversation was history as i realised we were not meant to be after all. after the trip, i thought to myself what a failure i am. a girl who's 2 years younger than me, can be so frank and forthcoming about her feelings and all. me? in the past, i had a crush on my classmate in jc but i only had the courage to talked to her through the net and over the phone. when she was with her clique, i darent even talked to her let alone know how i felt about her. this time, i made seemingly abit of a progress. during our trip last year, i spent some personal moments with her at the mountains taking in the scenery there. but eventually when i had planned to make known my feelings to her at the airport, i chickened out. i threw in the tower. i waved the flag to surrender... in cowardice.
and so i thought, when can i ever face up honestly to my feelings. sometimes, it just feel so bad to let everything get pent up inside. i can pour out my emotions and thoughts to my close friends and aunt agonies but eventually i'm still just stucked within this shell... for long. but i'm glad she took the initiative to clear the air, if not i'll be clinging on unrelentlessly and hopefully. i'll pick myself up and get my priorities (SATs, JLPT, NYAA etc.) right... once again. believe me.
来不及了
长长的简讯对象
已经不会是我
* please ignore my ranting because i just have to *
Monday, April 16, 2007
love is but an expensive and effortful affair
blogging in camp when i will be stucked in lim chu kang camp II for the whole week since i'm not on tekong duty. ever since my last post on april's fool day with a picture that struck a deep chord within me, i havent really had anything significant to blog about. but i guess, there's always a need to maintain a channel to release my pensive thoughts.
anyway yesterday, i was out with coco tan and old quek. actually it wasnt exactly a meetup since we only went for a brief lunch and was engaged in a love mission. you see... coco tan was celebrating his one month anniversary with his new found lover (half). and so he was showing us a hand made collage of their "memories" but the not so pleasant revelation was that his photos in his collage were falling off. and so after having our very brief lunch, we proceeded to popular to get some glue and scotch tape for some emergency tasking - to ensure that the collage was repaired in time for coco's meeting with her significant half to movies and a date at the night safari. and so in my usual jest, i was suanning him all the way e.g. " i want to go to night safari, but no one wants to go with me :(" and etc. you know it. old quek was even more hilarious, he blewn 2.5k in soccer betting because it seemed all too tempting to just up the ante when you don't see the cold hard cash in transaction. seems like his officer's salary has been put to pretty "good" use =X
back tracking to another day before... on saturday. we had a vertical marathon at tpy but although it was organised by me, my role seems to be downplayed :( not that i'm a power hungry individual but i guess recognition is one tangible motivation. but it's alright, i believe the opportunities ahead are plentiful. after that, i attended a "BREAKOUT! BE A TOP ACHIEVER" seminar at suntec. in retrospect, i felt that the $190 spent on the workshop was more inspirational than informative lest the first portion on memory tips like pegging. the other segments of the seminar entailed building meaningful relationships and conquering your destiny. i realised that i'm a confrontational person when it comes to managing conflicts. shan't elaborate about that.
most meaningful take away from the seminar was definitely from the last segment... because i have learnt to...
- celebrate what's right in the world and to truly believe in it so i will be able to see it materialising eventually.
up ahead, i guess there's many more challenges coming my way like my fundraising issues. i'm thorned between implementing one effective and impactful fundraising affair. just hoping everything will come clear to me as time goes by!
but no, it has to!
anyway yesterday, i was out with coco tan and old quek. actually it wasnt exactly a meetup since we only went for a brief lunch and was engaged in a love mission. you see... coco tan was celebrating his one month anniversary with his new found lover (half). and so he was showing us a hand made collage of their "memories" but the not so pleasant revelation was that his photos in his collage were falling off. and so after having our very brief lunch, we proceeded to popular to get some glue and scotch tape for some emergency tasking - to ensure that the collage was repaired in time for coco's meeting with her significant half to movies and a date at the night safari. and so in my usual jest, i was suanning him all the way e.g. " i want to go to night safari, but no one wants to go with me :(" and etc. you know it. old quek was even more hilarious, he blewn 2.5k in soccer betting because it seemed all too tempting to just up the ante when you don't see the cold hard cash in transaction. seems like his officer's salary has been put to pretty "good" use =X
back tracking to another day before... on saturday. we had a vertical marathon at tpy but although it was organised by me, my role seems to be downplayed :( not that i'm a power hungry individual but i guess recognition is one tangible motivation. but it's alright, i believe the opportunities ahead are plentiful. after that, i attended a "BREAKOUT! BE A TOP ACHIEVER" seminar at suntec. in retrospect, i felt that the $190 spent on the workshop was more inspirational than informative lest the first portion on memory tips like pegging. the other segments of the seminar entailed building meaningful relationships and conquering your destiny. i realised that i'm a confrontational person when it comes to managing conflicts. shan't elaborate about that.
most meaningful take away from the seminar was definitely from the last segment... because i have learnt to...
- celebrate what's right in the world and to truly believe in it so i will be able to see it materialising eventually.
up ahead, i guess there's many more challenges coming my way like my fundraising issues. i'm thorned between implementing one effective and impactful fundraising affair. just hoping everything will come clear to me as time goes by!
but no, it has to!
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
more awaits me ahead.
it's been a long time since i've updated. lately after the makeover "debacle", i've been juggling more and more tasks on my side. talking about the makeover, i realise they are really putting in much effort in publicising this makeover affair. now i really wonder how i got myself into such a fix.
anyway, as i was saying... i'm piling up a lot more responsibilities on my shoulder. firstly, i'm taking up the role as the adventure team leader and i'm leading a team to mt ophir in june. like 'huh', you will ask. since when have i become the adventurous person and leading a team? haha i really don't know anyway too. but i guess the only constant is change. ha.. what a cliche.
besides that, i'm travelling to vietnam at the end of this year for another overseas community service trip. this time, i'll be a sales executive for the fund raising effort. a rather novel opportunity to take on tasks that i'd like to envision myself taking up in the future. just last saturday, i went to farmart in lim chu kang for a short introduction course. basically, this farmart place is a huge entity that houses the many community development (CD) concepts that can be applied to aid the needy in the 3rd world countries. we were introduced to ideas like the faith (food always in the home) garden, self reliant house and vip latrine - all of which will increase the self reliance of the users and ensure sustainability in the long term so that we are actually teaching them to fish instead of just giving them a fish to last a day. the former perception was what i had actually harboured for our previous expedition. as much as we did achieve our objectives like construction of toilets and water pumps etc., alot of the work was done by the local carpenters. there were little if not no technology and knowledge transfer. so this time, i believe after equipping ourselves with the CD concepts we learnt from farmart, our experience and presence in vietnam will be a more meaningful, fufilling and lasting one.
yesterday, during jap class our sensei taught us origami. haha, she was still saying some guys can be good at origami eh. (otokono hito wa origami ga tokuyi desune) - ya i'm shure lah. at least, she's not referring to me. i only know how to fold straw stars but other than that, i'm just too clumsy when it comes to artwork lol. i'm glad my japanese school takes effort to add some spice to our curriculum so learning japanese wouldn't be just learning the grammar and vocabulary all the time.
last but not least! my pen pal has replied to me. ha if you have read my post about my trip to philippines last year, you would have remember that i made a penpal from garing national high school. so as i was waiting and waiting, finally i received the reply from kimberly. well well, she told me that the boy we helped to deliver the drawing and letter over to his mum in singapore wanted to thank us all for what we did. i guess the biggest consolation of it all is that such gratitude is what really motivates and keeps me on to volunteer when the passion and interest is waning. it is all the more heartening when you know you have become more than a volunteer to the needy but as a friend and an aide that they can confide with.
i'm more than contented! =)
anyway, as i was saying... i'm piling up a lot more responsibilities on my shoulder. firstly, i'm taking up the role as the adventure team leader and i'm leading a team to mt ophir in june. like 'huh', you will ask. since when have i become the adventurous person and leading a team? haha i really don't know anyway too. but i guess the only constant is change. ha.. what a cliche.
besides that, i'm travelling to vietnam at the end of this year for another overseas community service trip. this time, i'll be a sales executive for the fund raising effort. a rather novel opportunity to take on tasks that i'd like to envision myself taking up in the future. just last saturday, i went to farmart in lim chu kang for a short introduction course. basically, this farmart place is a huge entity that houses the many community development (CD) concepts that can be applied to aid the needy in the 3rd world countries. we were introduced to ideas like the faith (food always in the home) garden, self reliant house and vip latrine - all of which will increase the self reliance of the users and ensure sustainability in the long term so that we are actually teaching them to fish instead of just giving them a fish to last a day. the former perception was what i had actually harboured for our previous expedition. as much as we did achieve our objectives like construction of toilets and water pumps etc., alot of the work was done by the local carpenters. there were little if not no technology and knowledge transfer. so this time, i believe after equipping ourselves with the CD concepts we learnt from farmart, our experience and presence in vietnam will be a more meaningful, fufilling and lasting one.
yesterday, during jap class our sensei taught us origami. haha, she was still saying some guys can be good at origami eh. (otokono hito wa origami ga tokuyi desune) - ya i'm shure lah. at least, she's not referring to me. i only know how to fold straw stars but other than that, i'm just too clumsy when it comes to artwork lol. i'm glad my japanese school takes effort to add some spice to our curriculum so learning japanese wouldn't be just learning the grammar and vocabulary all the time.
last but not least! my pen pal has replied to me. ha if you have read my post about my trip to philippines last year, you would have remember that i made a penpal from garing national high school. so as i was waiting and waiting, finally i received the reply from kimberly. well well, she told me that the boy we helped to deliver the drawing and letter over to his mum in singapore wanted to thank us all for what we did. i guess the biggest consolation of it all is that such gratitude is what really motivates and keeps me on to volunteer when the passion and interest is waning. it is all the more heartening when you know you have become more than a volunteer to the needy but as a friend and an aide that they can confide with.
i'm more than contented! =)
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
made over, though not thoroughly lol.
okay, today was the actual madeover session. okay lah, actually i dont feel exactly made over. mainly coz i couldnt dye my hair but only cut it short! stef, the female contestant dyed then permed her hair. made her look like some princess lah. okay not that i will look like a prince if i could play about with my hair but i believe i will certainly look different with longer and coloured hair. haha. did my hair at chapter 2, marina sq. and coincidentally, junhan and jun jiat was at there shopping also.
did the photoshoot at *scape, opp ceneleisure. was quite a good experience lah, just that i'm not one that's used to photo whoring. so some photos were nice, others not so lol. nevertheless, it was great fun lah. abit surreal like on tv but not as extreme only. hope the photos will turn out fine! dont know what's the voting thingy about but if got prize to win maybe i go ask everyone to vote for me. hahahaha. if not, i hush hush... coz so paiseh lah.
did the photoshoot at *scape, opp ceneleisure. was quite a good experience lah, just that i'm not one that's used to photo whoring. so some photos were nice, others not so lol. nevertheless, it was great fun lah. abit surreal like on tv but not as extreme only. hope the photos will turn out fine! dont know what's the voting thingy about but if got prize to win maybe i go ask everyone to vote for me. hahahaha. if not, i hush hush... coz so paiseh lah.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
omg -_-.
shoots. of late, my rather mundane life has taken a quirky twist. one day as i was randomly surfing around on the net, i chanced upon a new event www.youth.sg was organising. so it says "A free make-over from Youth.sg" Since i had nothing else better to do, i sent in a haphazardly taken picture and a short writeup of why i needed a make-over.
shucks. and guess what? i was promptly notified that i was among the 3 male contestants selected for the make-over. so today, i went shopping for 2 set of clothes with the organisers and daphne khoo, the sg idol yah... she was there as some critic lol. i thought if this was a simple one-off makeover session, well and good. i get a free haircut and some fashion know-how. clothes i think they are only loaned for the photo shoot. not a bad trade off.
but my worst nightmare had to come true. im going to get featured on the youth.sg site as one of the contestants and get voted for the favourite makeover contestant. like what so favourite not favourite lah. omg, this is so embarassing.
shucks. and guess what? i was promptly notified that i was among the 3 male contestants selected for the make-over. so today, i went shopping for 2 set of clothes with the organisers and daphne khoo, the sg idol yah... she was there as some critic lol. i thought if this was a simple one-off makeover session, well and good. i get a free haircut and some fashion know-how. clothes i think they are only loaned for the photo shoot. not a bad trade off.
but my worst nightmare had to come true. im going to get featured on the youth.sg site as one of the contestants and get voted for the favourite makeover contestant. like what so favourite not favourite lah. omg, this is so embarassing.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Saturday, January 13, 2007
teen no more!
well, bidding farewell to 2006 and ushering in 2007. can't help but feel insecure at times especially after what i realised during my short stay at footprinters' chalet just now. it's 0620h now and i just came back from the footprinters' chalet at downtown east.
i can't help but feel that joining REACH has made me learn and mature. i was talking to
for those that don't know me well (not many do anyway), i guessed ns made me changed a whole lot. now, i no longer contend living the day as it is. somehow i'm starting to tweak my psyche to that of achievement and goal oriented and focusing on the end at the beginning of every new endeavour i undertake. nyaa gold's almost done, planning to take my jlpt 3 at the end of the year, volunteering at reach again in 2007 and joining a business startup competition. i don't know if it's healthy but what really keeps me going these days are such tangibles. admittedly, sometimes i do have an agenda for doing something. but during the days at cebu, cip hours and testimonials were definitely the last thing on my mind. afterall, that's a firm personal conviction of mine.
have i grown more jaded or angsty? i seriously hope not.
maybe... it's because, i've aged.
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