a-k-e-e-l-a-h

finally the three gruelling days of range is gone. missed my marksman and 200 bucks bleah.

day shoot - 8/16
night shoot 10/12

4 short!

anyway, i watched akeelah and the bee on wednesday. really liked that show alot for it's really inspiring and it makes you learn.

taken from the movie,


"Our Deepest Fear" by Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate -
our deepest fear is that
we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be
brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?'

Actually, who are you not to be?

of tears with a bitter aftertaste

my first aunt passed away last week and just yesterday i was at the columbarium at guang ming shan with my family and immediate relatives. in fact, i was also there to be part of the chantings for the dead on saturday night. to be frank, i am not very closed to this first aunt of mine. but this incident made me realised my usual rather fragmented extended family (meaning my aunts, uncles and cousins) arent that distant afterall. i didnt really cry and my elder sister always say i can always maintain my composure or put it in a crude way - i'm callous. but that aside, i witness the softer side of my relatives that attended the wake.

i guess my grandma was the most affected one. imagining sending your own daughter off or rather what the chinese say "bai fa ren song hei fa ren" it's not frequent that you see one's eyes red swollen and teary but it kinda hurts my heart to see such a scene too. fortunately my grandpa who's in an old folks' home isnt informed as he's suffering from mild dementia. maybe it proves the adage - ignore is bliss, is true afterall.

when the floodgates break open, tears just keep pouring.

People Rest I Do Extra

i was shaken by my sergeant's answer to my question, "why do you want to apply for SOF" - "because there's no pride here" it made me questioned myself, is pride accorded by the environment one is in or manifested in your own actions and beliefs. gradually, i believed the latter is just a self-fufilling prophecy because i'm losing much of what's in question - pride, afterall.

=/

will you love me in the morning?
forever and ever.