when we get too accustomed to an environment and our learning curves plateau. the only recourse - to depart from it and bash through new grounds. well, many people may have many different opinions of my tendering of resignation for my internship. but i will still remain steadfast to these convictions of mine for i will no longer contend with stagnation. and it does make me feel heartened that my boss is supportive of my decision and told me where my strengths lie and that he was impressed by me when he first met me.
well in a nutshell, i just want to live my life feeling fired up and driven.
even if it warrants me to live on the fringes.
because only there and then, i'm really... living.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
An inDELlible DELhi experience
This entry came late but I'll still try to keep it a short one nonetheless because time (and age)'s catching up on me! Back from the exotic India for three days and the unimaginable times we had there is still lingering. And it doesn't help that I had to report back to work on the following day. Well, seems like you can't have the cake and eat it.
Anyway back to my workshop proper, if you guys haven't already know, it's the regional training workshop for the Commonwealth Youth Ambassadors for Positive Living (CYAPL) - haha, I hear booos and jeering. And like I mentioned in my valedictory speech, I wasn't exactly feeling completely upbeat but rather it's more of ambivalence. Was looking forward to it because it would be my first exchange but at the same time, I didn't know my Singapore counterpart (Jingyi) before the trip. And it doesn't help that from my Cambodia experience, it was a personal revelation for the fact I thought I was the kinda person that needed lots of personal time. Barring that, I'll retract into my recluse and start emo-ing.
But it turned out all the mumbo jumbo bull was nothing more than a demoralising self-fulfilling prophecy. I had so much fun with my new found friends (and wife! =X). That I'll talk about just in a while.
Back to the workshop proper, it was really an overwhelmingly fruitful and inspiring experience. We had country presentations, discussions, debates, field trips, excursions and what not. More importantly, I saw the passion burning in the eyes of the many other representatives from the 6 other Commonwealth countries (India, Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, Maldives, Malaysia, Brunei). Learnt much about the technical aspects of HIV/AIDS, the implications, stigma & discrimination and advocacy methodologies. Really hope I would be able to put what I've learnt into practice.
Lots of them are working with the ministries and NGOs in their own capacities. But nonetheless, towards a common goal. And somehow it made me think of the local volunteering scene. Perhaps, our standard of living does not warrant people like them to really work their arses for our people at the ground level. And I did feel very minute when I listened to their sharing and experiences. But perhaps because of this, I'm like fueled once again in my volunteering pursuits.
Visiting a local NGO where they were seeking to contain the spread of HIV/AIDS in the local community where there are Intravenous Drug Users (IDU). The scene of some addicts injecting themselves with drugs was just chilling and heart wrenching. It was as if I wanted to go forward to stop them yet for all I know, I could be stabbed with the needles. It's like they're mired in this downward spiral and the odds are so against them for recovery. This thought of mine was all the more reinforced when a resource person from WHO proposed that drugs should be administered to the IDU coupled with proper education as a solution. True enough, but how long and much can we help them? And it made me realised that egalitarianism has no place in the few third world countries I've been in recent years.
One moment I see Audis and Hondas cruising past me in the taxi with Indians reading the papers idyllically. Then in the next, a frail looking young boy carrying a baby was knocking on my door for money. But of course, if these poor people do not have the access to those fundamental needs, how can they possibly uplift themselves from the pit. And yet again - the rich gets richer while the poor gets poorer. Passe perhaps.
Last but not least, I've made several new friends from a strategic regional alliance between Singapore, Brunei and Maldives. These people are a bundle of joy to be with and we all thought the experience wouldn't complete less any of us.
Anyway back to my workshop proper, if you guys haven't already know, it's the regional training workshop for the Commonwealth Youth Ambassadors for Positive Living (CYAPL) - haha, I hear booos and jeering. And like I mentioned in my valedictory speech, I wasn't exactly feeling completely upbeat but rather it's more of ambivalence. Was looking forward to it because it would be my first exchange but at the same time, I didn't know my Singapore counterpart (Jingyi) before the trip. And it doesn't help that from my Cambodia experience, it was a personal revelation for the fact I thought I was the kinda person that needed lots of personal time. Barring that, I'll retract into my recluse and start emo-ing.
But it turned out all the mumbo jumbo bull was nothing more than a demoralising self-fulfilling prophecy. I had so much fun with my new found friends (and wife! =X). That I'll talk about just in a while.
Back to the workshop proper, it was really an overwhelmingly fruitful and inspiring experience. We had country presentations, discussions, debates, field trips, excursions and what not. More importantly, I saw the passion burning in the eyes of the many other representatives from the 6 other Commonwealth countries (India, Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, Maldives, Malaysia, Brunei). Learnt much about the technical aspects of HIV/AIDS, the implications, stigma & discrimination and advocacy methodologies. Really hope I would be able to put what I've learnt into practice.
Lots of them are working with the ministries and NGOs in their own capacities. But nonetheless, towards a common goal. And somehow it made me think of the local volunteering scene. Perhaps, our standard of living does not warrant people like them to really work their arses for our people at the ground level. And I did feel very minute when I listened to their sharing and experiences. But perhaps because of this, I'm like fueled once again in my volunteering pursuits.
Visiting a local NGO where they were seeking to contain the spread of HIV/AIDS in the local community where there are Intravenous Drug Users (IDU). The scene of some addicts injecting themselves with drugs was just chilling and heart wrenching. It was as if I wanted to go forward to stop them yet for all I know, I could be stabbed with the needles. It's like they're mired in this downward spiral and the odds are so against them for recovery. This thought of mine was all the more reinforced when a resource person from WHO proposed that drugs should be administered to the IDU coupled with proper education as a solution. True enough, but how long and much can we help them? And it made me realised that egalitarianism has no place in the few third world countries I've been in recent years.
One moment I see Audis and Hondas cruising past me in the taxi with Indians reading the papers idyllically. Then in the next, a frail looking young boy carrying a baby was knocking on my door for money. But of course, if these poor people do not have the access to those fundamental needs, how can they possibly uplift themselves from the pit. And yet again - the rich gets richer while the poor gets poorer. Passe perhaps.
Last but not least, I've made several new friends from a strategic regional alliance between Singapore, Brunei and Maldives. These people are a bundle of joy to be with and we all thought the experience wouldn't complete less any of us.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
following my heart.
just had a long msn convo with mich. she shared with me two anecdotes that were vastly different in terms of origin and time yet amazing similar in meaning. glad and thankful that she has shed some warmth on my soul that turns jaded and numbed during such emotionally trying times.
Michael Jackson - Heal The World
will let this video do the talking.
will let my heart do the guiding.
Michael Jackson - Heal The World
will let this video do the talking.
will let my heart do the guiding.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
every farewell, a new beginning.
I've just returned from the Footprinters' farewell dinner at Darren's house. It was a simple affair, no fuss and nothing really "emotionally heavy" took place. But as I recall my entire day, it seems that as if the divine beings (up above) has something to tell me.
So perhaps I should rewind the narration to the start of my day's programme when I brought my grandma to visit my grandpa. For the uninitiated, my grandpa's been residing in a home in Pasir Ris because of his slight dementia and inability to control his bowels. My grandma on the other hand, decides to move out to live alone at Toa Payoh. And her justifications - she isn't contributing in the household and is afraid that she'll be the cause of intra family tension. And it seems that I'll never be able to accept her "ramifications" as rightful justifications... maybe until I live until as old as her. If i do.
Anyway, bringing my grandma from Toa Payoh to Pasir Ris even by cab, is by no means a simple affair. I've to buy my grandpa's favourite hainanese chicken rice (duhh... it originated from us people) and a can of sarsi - now you know not only young kiddos have that occasional cravings. Then my sister and I have to cautiously help her to the main road and into a cab, while watching she does not hit her head while entering the cab. When we finally arrive at the home, we will be in the guest room awaiting the missy to push our grandpa in on a wheelchair. Watching him savour the mouthfuls of his favourite cuisine while seeing my grandma hold his wrinkled and weathered hands with her conspicuous teary eyes, it's more often than not heart wrenching. But staging this reunion (albeit short lived) is more than worth the effort.
Imagine a couple married for close to 70 years with 5 children and 8 grandchildren. Imagine the hardships they have went through when they lugged their baggage and were chucked in a dinghy from China to Singapore, like those in 雾锁南洋. Imagine the times of draconian oppression during occupation, like in 和平的代价. Okay.. that's enough, i think it's drama overkill now.
And then I walked around the home, looking at the elderly folks all around. They were mostly watching the television, fiddling with toy blocks or just gazing endlessly and aimlessly. And my heart really goes out to them because sometimes when old age diseases strike, what choice do they have but to age idly (gracefully). It's as if when we age, our bodily functions deteriorate and our energy level dwindles; we can do nothing but to just wait for the life invigilator to utter, "Time's Up". If that's aging for me, I'd rather opt to hand in my scripts when I'm well and happy with what I've done in the examination of life.
Just some time back, I was watching a youtube video of this older friend of mine speaking to his group of volunteers before they went to Philippines for ocip, a prep talk kind. And what he said left a deep inkling in my mind since then.
"Let time be your witness. Do you want time to wash away your history or let history attest for your time?"
Life's too short for us to just while it away. Likewise, we've got to make hay while the shines bright and warm. In about a week to go, my good ol' primary school buddy will fly all the way Down Under to further his studies. And I'm sure he will do himself, his family and friends, proud over there. This farewell for him will represent a new beginning - an exciting chapter in his life where he'll blaze new trails ahead. Myself, I'll be flying to India for my virgin youth conference cum exchange. What lies ahead I have little idea. But I guess that's immaterial compared to what lies inside myself - my ideals and ambitions although tinged with unbridled rashness at times (as described in my previous entry).
Most importantly, I have made a pact with history so that when the inevitable "Time's Up" is uttered, my alibi will be there by my side, testifying in my favour.
Have you?
Beyond - 海阔天空
So perhaps I should rewind the narration to the start of my day's programme when I brought my grandma to visit my grandpa. For the uninitiated, my grandpa's been residing in a home in Pasir Ris because of his slight dementia and inability to control his bowels. My grandma on the other hand, decides to move out to live alone at Toa Payoh. And her justifications - she isn't contributing in the household and is afraid that she'll be the cause of intra family tension. And it seems that I'll never be able to accept her "ramifications" as rightful justifications... maybe until I live until as old as her. If i do.
Anyway, bringing my grandma from Toa Payoh to Pasir Ris even by cab, is by no means a simple affair. I've to buy my grandpa's favourite hainanese chicken rice (duhh... it originated from us people) and a can of sarsi - now you know not only young kiddos have that occasional cravings. Then my sister and I have to cautiously help her to the main road and into a cab, while watching she does not hit her head while entering the cab. When we finally arrive at the home, we will be in the guest room awaiting the missy to push our grandpa in on a wheelchair. Watching him savour the mouthfuls of his favourite cuisine while seeing my grandma hold his wrinkled and weathered hands with her conspicuous teary eyes, it's more often than not heart wrenching. But staging this reunion (albeit short lived) is more than worth the effort.
Imagine a couple married for close to 70 years with 5 children and 8 grandchildren. Imagine the hardships they have went through when they lugged their baggage and were chucked in a dinghy from China to Singapore, like those in 雾锁南洋. Imagine the times of draconian oppression during occupation, like in 和平的代价. Okay.. that's enough, i think it's drama overkill now.
And then I walked around the home, looking at the elderly folks all around. They were mostly watching the television, fiddling with toy blocks or just gazing endlessly and aimlessly. And my heart really goes out to them because sometimes when old age diseases strike, what choice do they have but to age idly (gracefully). It's as if when we age, our bodily functions deteriorate and our energy level dwindles; we can do nothing but to just wait for the life invigilator to utter, "Time's Up". If that's aging for me, I'd rather opt to hand in my scripts when I'm well and happy with what I've done in the examination of life.
Just some time back, I was watching a youtube video of this older friend of mine speaking to his group of volunteers before they went to Philippines for ocip, a prep talk kind. And what he said left a deep inkling in my mind since then.
"Let time be your witness. Do you want time to wash away your history or let history attest for your time?"
Life's too short for us to just while it away. Likewise, we've got to make hay while the shines bright and warm. In about a week to go, my good ol' primary school buddy will fly all the way Down Under to further his studies. And I'm sure he will do himself, his family and friends, proud over there. This farewell for him will represent a new beginning - an exciting chapter in his life where he'll blaze new trails ahead. Myself, I'll be flying to India for my virgin youth conference cum exchange. What lies ahead I have little idea. But I guess that's immaterial compared to what lies inside myself - my ideals and ambitions although tinged with unbridled rashness at times (as described in my previous entry).
Most importantly, I have made a pact with history so that when the inevitable "Time's Up" is uttered, my alibi will be there by my side, testifying in my favour.
Have you?
Beyond - 海阔天空
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