haha... i've been issued with an ultimatum just today. and the consequences arent terribly pleasing to a National Service Fulltime whose freedom hinges on what little days of freedom and blithe he already has. sometimes, it make me wonder if all these threats and the final whammy - the ultimatum, is hardly necessary? i thought if we could perform our nation defending duties well and good, we should have a relatively "enjoyable" and "peaceful" time? but it seems, the title of my blog - "as if, my life has stalled..." still has its relevance after all. *pats myself on my shoulders* ha.
but on the other hand, maybe things arent that bleak as i construe it to be. one thing for sure, the jadedness in me is dragging me down lol. i'm just a paradox and freak of nature. like i dont really understand myself at all. maybe no one does still.
i read my friend's blog just some time ago.
she asked, "what makes you happy?" it's somewhat rather rhetorical from the banal "getting your A's after your months of slogging" to the ambitious "landing yourself in an i-banking job" to the rather random "gratification from having sex"
you tell me. ha. while i try to unravel what the word "happiness" entails.
=)
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
silly quelf.
geez! i'm back from a 22/04 class gathering. today was a long and hectic day for me and everything prior to the gathering really drained me. and with the less than pleasing turnout from the guys (bunny overseas hol, chris route march, boss pungseh, hao ge and kelvin mia) i thought the gathering wasn't going to be a fantastic one. however, it was one of the better class gatherings we had.
let's see. i booked out from tekong like 10am. rushed to j8 and bought myself a pants, boots and socks by 11.30pm. was supposed to meet billy lee at singapore cricket club by 12.30pm. well i really have to thank my mum for getting me this contact. he introduced me to the rotary club (raffles city) when i went there, it's really like an exclusively "rich men club" over lunch, i was introduced to the director of the rotaract club (meaning rotary club for the younger adults below age 30) and several other renowned rotarians or so they call themselves. it was certainly very intriguing listening to these people share about their projects and experiences. more so with the fact that they are professionals in their respective vocations - lawyers, dentists, consultants, ceos and what not. billy lee told me he's semi-retired, but he's on the board of the director of 7 public listed companies. he also used to be the ceo of sembawang corp. -_- like omg.
but one thing that i felt was especially poignant to me was the advice he told me "it's not about what you know but about who you know" i realised i dont belong to the scholar calibre, neither will i content to be a farmer for the rest of my life. therefore, i really need to network and differentiate myself.
after that, i met up with my ex college mates. some of them changed so drastically that i couldnt even recognise them lah. like huiyi, i thought hey who's this girl? new classmate arhs lol. we have girls becoming more feminine, more demure and more attractive lol. but guys arh, still same pattern i think. we played several board games within our group of 10 (3 guys, 7 gals) like truth or dare jenga, quelf and saboteur. but half of the time, my mind was shut off because i only got like 3-4h of sleep during duty. lol. but nevertheless, it was damn hilarious to look at us do our silly forfeits like "one-eyed mimes", "playing invisible piano" and the infamous "omg, shit is coming, quick run!"
all in all, it's good times teasing my friends, linking them up with their dream half lol. it's amazing that for some of these people, i never really talked to them during college times. it's only when we meet up once in a blue moon, that we reminisce the good old days. :)
let's see. i booked out from tekong like 10am. rushed to j8 and bought myself a pants, boots and socks by 11.30pm. was supposed to meet billy lee at singapore cricket club by 12.30pm. well i really have to thank my mum for getting me this contact. he introduced me to the rotary club (raffles city) when i went there, it's really like an exclusively "rich men club" over lunch, i was introduced to the director of the rotaract club (meaning rotary club for the younger adults below age 30) and several other renowned rotarians or so they call themselves. it was certainly very intriguing listening to these people share about their projects and experiences. more so with the fact that they are professionals in their respective vocations - lawyers, dentists, consultants, ceos and what not. billy lee told me he's semi-retired, but he's on the board of the director of 7 public listed companies. he also used to be the ceo of sembawang corp. -_- like omg.
but one thing that i felt was especially poignant to me was the advice he told me "it's not about what you know but about who you know" i realised i dont belong to the scholar calibre, neither will i content to be a farmer for the rest of my life. therefore, i really need to network and differentiate myself.
after that, i met up with my ex college mates. some of them changed so drastically that i couldnt even recognise them lah. like huiyi, i thought hey who's this girl? new classmate arhs lol. we have girls becoming more feminine, more demure and more attractive lol. but guys arh, still same pattern i think. we played several board games within our group of 10 (3 guys, 7 gals) like truth or dare jenga, quelf and saboteur. but half of the time, my mind was shut off because i only got like 3-4h of sleep during duty. lol. but nevertheless, it was damn hilarious to look at us do our silly forfeits like "one-eyed mimes", "playing invisible piano" and the infamous "omg, shit is coming, quick run!"
all in all, it's good times teasing my friends, linking them up with their dream half lol. it's amazing that for some of these people, i never really talked to them during college times. it's only when we meet up once in a blue moon, that we reminisce the good old days. :)
Saturday, June 09, 2007
本来
yup, i haven't been adding new content to this personal virtual diary of mine for the past few months. and i am uber glad that there's an auto save function for blogspot right now. it's like the panacea to my cranky ie that crashes ever so often. anyway, that's besides the point.
if you haven't already know, i just returned from a mountain climbing trip to mount belumut. like any typical reach activitity, there's bound to be lotsa takeaway for me - both tangible and intangible. maybe that's precisely the reason i'm still volunteering actively in this organisation. on the whole, this expedition really made me realise that there's always a fragile moment in everyone. i witnessed guys and gals that still slip and off along the track and there came my helping hand! ha. and i thought human beings arent that infallible anymore. we are made to be dependent in some way or another. if not, it only nullifies the existence of friends and families that form the core of your support network.
we washed up under the rapids at the waterfall. i tell you... the feeling of the fresh water gushing down on you that threatens to wash your shorts and underpants away while you cling on precariously onto a vine was one one of those feelings that made me feel alive, really alive. in the process of the trip, i was talking to this good friend of mine about the deeper nuances in life. like how we so conveniently numb ourselves with our work or school routine that we forgot the presence of mother nature. anyway, we concluded that any getaway from our routine makes good times ha. conquering mount belumut, the following day we shopped at jusco and ended our trip with a go-kart racing. another mind blowing experience when i experienced the nerve wrecking process of "drifting" albeit with a 80cc kart only lah.
but i guessed the highlight of the trip was a late night sharing at the mount belumut campsite. only 5 of us were gathered at a campfire while the others were snoozing away in their tentages. we talked about everything under the sun from religion to the meaning of life to sexuality etc. then there was this girl i had a fancy for since the philippines trip last year who was within the 5 of us at the campfire.
in front of the other 2 girls and a guy, she asked me "ben, did you like me in philippines since last year?" i was like gosh. shouldn't i be doing the questioning instead. and the rest of the conversation was history as i realised we were not meant to be after all. after the trip, i thought to myself what a failure i am. a girl who's 2 years younger than me, can be so frank and forthcoming about her feelings and all. me? in the past, i had a crush on my classmate in jc but i only had the courage to talked to her through the net and over the phone. when she was with her clique, i darent even talked to her let alone know how i felt about her. this time, i made seemingly abit of a progress. during our trip last year, i spent some personal moments with her at the mountains taking in the scenery there. but eventually when i had planned to make known my feelings to her at the airport, i chickened out. i threw in the tower. i waved the flag to surrender... in cowardice.
and so i thought, when can i ever face up honestly to my feelings. sometimes, it just feel so bad to let everything get pent up inside. i can pour out my emotions and thoughts to my close friends and aunt agonies but eventually i'm still just stucked within this shell... for long. but i'm glad she took the initiative to clear the air, if not i'll be clinging on unrelentlessly and hopefully. i'll pick myself up and get my priorities (SATs, JLPT, NYAA etc.) right... once again. believe me.
来不及了
长长的简讯对象
已经不会是我
* please ignore my ranting because i just have to *
if you haven't already know, i just returned from a mountain climbing trip to mount belumut. like any typical reach activitity, there's bound to be lotsa takeaway for me - both tangible and intangible. maybe that's precisely the reason i'm still volunteering actively in this organisation. on the whole, this expedition really made me realise that there's always a fragile moment in everyone. i witnessed guys and gals that still slip and off along the track and there came my helping hand! ha. and i thought human beings arent that infallible anymore. we are made to be dependent in some way or another. if not, it only nullifies the existence of friends and families that form the core of your support network.
we washed up under the rapids at the waterfall. i tell you... the feeling of the fresh water gushing down on you that threatens to wash your shorts and underpants away while you cling on precariously onto a vine was one one of those feelings that made me feel alive, really alive. in the process of the trip, i was talking to this good friend of mine about the deeper nuances in life. like how we so conveniently numb ourselves with our work or school routine that we forgot the presence of mother nature. anyway, we concluded that any getaway from our routine makes good times ha. conquering mount belumut, the following day we shopped at jusco and ended our trip with a go-kart racing. another mind blowing experience when i experienced the nerve wrecking process of "drifting" albeit with a 80cc kart only lah.
but i guessed the highlight of the trip was a late night sharing at the mount belumut campsite. only 5 of us were gathered at a campfire while the others were snoozing away in their tentages. we talked about everything under the sun from religion to the meaning of life to sexuality etc. then there was this girl i had a fancy for since the philippines trip last year who was within the 5 of us at the campfire.
in front of the other 2 girls and a guy, she asked me "ben, did you like me in philippines since last year?" i was like gosh. shouldn't i be doing the questioning instead. and the rest of the conversation was history as i realised we were not meant to be after all. after the trip, i thought to myself what a failure i am. a girl who's 2 years younger than me, can be so frank and forthcoming about her feelings and all. me? in the past, i had a crush on my classmate in jc but i only had the courage to talked to her through the net and over the phone. when she was with her clique, i darent even talked to her let alone know how i felt about her. this time, i made seemingly abit of a progress. during our trip last year, i spent some personal moments with her at the mountains taking in the scenery there. but eventually when i had planned to make known my feelings to her at the airport, i chickened out. i threw in the tower. i waved the flag to surrender... in cowardice.
and so i thought, when can i ever face up honestly to my feelings. sometimes, it just feel so bad to let everything get pent up inside. i can pour out my emotions and thoughts to my close friends and aunt agonies but eventually i'm still just stucked within this shell... for long. but i'm glad she took the initiative to clear the air, if not i'll be clinging on unrelentlessly and hopefully. i'll pick myself up and get my priorities (SATs, JLPT, NYAA etc.) right... once again. believe me.
来不及了
长长的简讯对象
已经不会是我
* please ignore my ranting because i just have to *
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