maiden entry

it's been long since i last blogged. as to why i've stopped blogging, it's been a thing of the past i'd rather not wish to remind myself of. i'm using the same url and i wonder which of my blog visitors in the past will still pop by and read my log. if you happen to be one of them, plesase do tag ehs!

i've been having this numbing feeling these days every now and then, especially in this stage of my life. i have no idea how my peers are doing or how they perceive themselves in the present per se. but i'm kinda lost especially in this transitional period. the feeling of helplessness, insecurity and uncertainty. it's not here nor there, it's "in-between" in fact, i got this title after reading a forum thread mentioning that ns actually makes one feel that life has stalled and that we are brain-dead nsf. come to think of it, i havent been reading straits times and keeping to date with the "outside world" and it comes to a point that i somehow missed my GP lessons in my college days when reading periodicals is more a need than want. somehow now, the want factor overweighs the need factor.

disappointed i may be at my performance thus far, and perhaps this is a reason for me thinking that my life's stagnating, stalling and all in all - unproductive. i didnt get what i desire because i didnt work hard enough for it. but now, i'm not really bothered. my take on life has swerved from one of a result and performance oriented to that of being less demanding on myself and living to enjoy everyday as it is, albeit seriously lacking any reason for enjoyment in the first place. and life's a routine as normal- slogging for the weekdays and letting my hair down during the incredibly short weekends. i'm learning how to be happy and satisifed with the little things in life like meeting timed practical tests or just having some crap chat session with my fellow coursemates. insignificant it may be, but i guess it keeps me going on day by day. yet something i learnt from yin yue ri ji which is my best companion in a camp devoid of entertainment. nevertheless, i'll still push myself in my physical fitness. that's one aspect that i can never remain lax on.

but meanwhile, i'm really fatigued from today's pt.
nights out - 2330
reveille - 0830

=)